Moments of Sadness
They keep jumping up at me out of nowhere, and I'm sick of it.
Depression is something I stopped suffering from in any serious sense many years ago, and it's really pissing me off that it's back in my life. It's only mild compared to what many people experience - I'm not clinically depressed or anything - but I keep getting sad and tearful, and it seems to be all about the hormonal / procreation thing.
According to CBT, which I'm always extolling the virtues of and used so successfully against debilitating anxiety (and anxiety and depression are very similar in many ways) I should just tell it to go away, not give in to it, counter the catastrophic thoughts. I'm just not in the habit of doing that in relation to depression. So time to try changing my habits, I guess.
This whole making-babies thing is a pain in the arse. Well, apart from the actual making-babies thing - that part is nice - it's all the peripheral stuff that's the problem. Disappointments every 28 days, then pregnancies that go wrong. I just want to get it all out of the way, move on.
But the book stuff is great. Actually that's partly what's pissing me off: I want to be all excited about the book, and I am, but it keeps being tainted by all this lingering miscarriage sadness and monthly menstrual merry-go-round.
Pah.
___
Depression is something I stopped suffering from in any serious sense many years ago, and it's really pissing me off that it's back in my life. It's only mild compared to what many people experience - I'm not clinically depressed or anything - but I keep getting sad and tearful, and it seems to be all about the hormonal / procreation thing.
According to CBT, which I'm always extolling the virtues of and used so successfully against debilitating anxiety (and anxiety and depression are very similar in many ways) I should just tell it to go away, not give in to it, counter the catastrophic thoughts. I'm just not in the habit of doing that in relation to depression. So time to try changing my habits, I guess.
This whole making-babies thing is a pain in the arse. Well, apart from the actual making-babies thing - that part is nice - it's all the peripheral stuff that's the problem. Disappointments every 28 days, then pregnancies that go wrong. I just want to get it all out of the way, move on.
But the book stuff is great. Actually that's partly what's pissing me off: I want to be all excited about the book, and I am, but it keeps being tainted by all this lingering miscarriage sadness and monthly menstrual merry-go-round.
Pah.
___
Labels: Miscarriage
3 Comments:
Yeah, life sure can suck sometimes can't it. Despite being many years away from depression it still lingers...
Don't worry, you've got at least one confirmed book sale when your new one gets published.
Two...
Your post struck a real chord with me. However many times people may tell you to relax, or say things like, 'what's meant to be is meant to be,' your spirits still rise and fall according to whether there is either a chance or no chance that you might be pregnant.
I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you with regard to both the baby and the book. Loving the girls' fun diary extracts too!
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