Mrs Grumpy
One of the symptoms of my current Rubbish Head Syndrome is that I'm very irritable. Hence the Harry Potter rant, which is quite unlike me.
But really, the following things are just VERY IRRITATING INDEED, right?
1. Cans of tuna in oil. I've tried buying the versions canned in brine instead, but they taste crap. So I'm back to the oil. There's no way of opening one of these cans without the oil leaking out all over the fucking shop. It's impossible to extract the tuna without creating a trail of yet more slimy gloop, and the bloody stuff simply refuses to budge from the can itself if you want to give it a rinse before putting it in the recycling. Thus I often say Fuck Global Warming and throw the whole lot in the bin, for which I am very sorry, but argggghh, the stuff gets everywhere and is horrible and slimy and really hard to budge! Guaranteed to have me swearing left right and centre.
2. DVDs. For fuck's sake, isn't modern technology supposed to make life easier? Don't they know that some of us have children who trail into the kitchen going "Muuuum, I'm bored" just when you're throwing tuna oil all over the room whilst simultaneously cutting yourself on Evil Tuna Cans? Don't they understand that cheap DVD players have horrifically complicated and cheap remote controls that are impossible for small children to operate? Can't they guess that the last thing you want to do while several pans are boiling over in the kitchen is stand next to the stupid arsing DVD player pressing buttons and then waaaaaiting for the credits to roll, and then again for the Copyright Theft Message to play, and then again for the adverts, and yet again for the really-really-slow menu to finally appear, and that's only if you don't have to first find United Kingdom at the bottom of a list of fifty regions? Can't they get it into their thick skulls that sometimes the DVD has to go in a corner of the room inaccesible from the armchair, rendering the remote obsolete and meaning that at the end of a hard day when all you want to do is WATCH A FUCKING FILM you end up having to stand next to the DVD player clucking impatiently, clicking buttons and waiting for all the menus and messages and adverts to scroll slowly by before you can just press fucking play? Why? WHY??
3. Thick tight plastic packaging, welded shut at the edges and encasing its minor artefact - which could be anything from scissors to toothbrush to fucking ball of string - so thoroughly that only a pair of industrial cable cutters will set it free.
WHY?!
Bastards.
___
But really, the following things are just VERY IRRITATING INDEED, right?
1. Cans of tuna in oil. I've tried buying the versions canned in brine instead, but they taste crap. So I'm back to the oil. There's no way of opening one of these cans without the oil leaking out all over the fucking shop. It's impossible to extract the tuna without creating a trail of yet more slimy gloop, and the bloody stuff simply refuses to budge from the can itself if you want to give it a rinse before putting it in the recycling. Thus I often say Fuck Global Warming and throw the whole lot in the bin, for which I am very sorry, but argggghh, the stuff gets everywhere and is horrible and slimy and really hard to budge! Guaranteed to have me swearing left right and centre.
2. DVDs. For fuck's sake, isn't modern technology supposed to make life easier? Don't they know that some of us have children who trail into the kitchen going "Muuuum, I'm bored" just when you're throwing tuna oil all over the room whilst simultaneously cutting yourself on Evil Tuna Cans? Don't they understand that cheap DVD players have horrifically complicated and cheap remote controls that are impossible for small children to operate? Can't they guess that the last thing you want to do while several pans are boiling over in the kitchen is stand next to the stupid arsing DVD player pressing buttons and then waaaaaiting for the credits to roll, and then again for the Copyright Theft Message to play, and then again for the adverts, and yet again for the really-really-slow menu to finally appear, and that's only if you don't have to first find United Kingdom at the bottom of a list of fifty regions? Can't they get it into their thick skulls that sometimes the DVD has to go in a corner of the room inaccesible from the armchair, rendering the remote obsolete and meaning that at the end of a hard day when all you want to do is WATCH A FUCKING FILM you end up having to stand next to the DVD player clucking impatiently, clicking buttons and waiting for all the menus and messages and adverts to scroll slowly by before you can just press fucking play? Why? WHY??
3. Thick tight plastic packaging, welded shut at the edges and encasing its minor artefact - which could be anything from scissors to toothbrush to fucking ball of string - so thoroughly that only a pair of industrial cable cutters will set it free.
WHY?!
Bastards.
___
Labels: Silly
2 Comments:
Tuna in brine tastes fine if you decant it into a sieve, rinse thoroughly under the tap and drain well before using. Bit of a hassle but much easier than dealing with the oily stuff. I've never tried to play a DVD, but I agree 100% about the packaging. And I like your rants, so keep 'em coming!
BTW I just tried to leave this comment as a biscuit but Haloscan wouldn't let me :-( Hope it works this time, apologies if you get it twice.
Tuna in springwater is the way to go, though I have no cure for the dvds and packaging. For you? Just keep breathing...
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