Girls' Fun - Part Sixteen
[I'm transcribing edited highlights of a diary I kept when I was 15 / 16 years old, in 1985. Index here.]
[For previous instalment, see here]
Mon 8th April, 1985 (Young Clare is 15 years old)
Seeing Philip again this last weekend has made me realise that I’m still madly in love with him but I agree that a romance between us wouldn’t work: it’s too insignificant for us.
Watched telly and got ready to go out tonight all day, then in evening went with Kirsty to Melodie’s Night Club. We met Heather there, and it was a total wash-out! Melodie’s was deserted and there were only 2 other people there. After a while we went across to the pub, which was packed, and then back to the night club. A few more people trickled in, I danced with one loony, then Heather had to go and so did me and Kirsty. Thank God that looks like the last outing with her for a long time.
Tue 9th April, 1985
Tonight I’m using my private Valentine’s card handwriting. It takes up rather a lot of time and space.
Spent whole day pretending to revise but actually finishing off novels.
Went to the Biller’s in the evening to babysit. Was coaxed into a game of Cluedo and also taught Suzie Canasta. They’ve got some gorgeous kittens whose eyes aren’t open yet and who squeak most endearingly. Sewed the nose back on one of Suzie’s cuddly toys for her. Got £4!
Wed 10th April, 1985
Did nothing much all day ’cept wash the car and watch yet another film, then went to a costume hire shop and found a top-hat and tails but only little ‘show-girl’ ones, and they cost £6 to hire, so tried OXFAM but they were shut, so came home.
Rang Matthew to arrange to meet tomorrow and he says he sent me a postcard! I’d given up on that idea!
Spent rest of evening watching a dance programme which went straight to my feet and plaited a third of my fringe as an experiment.
Thurs 11th April, 1985
Youth Theatre Yorkshire goes to Rocky Horror in Harrogate! Yippee!
Watched films with hair in plaits all day (wowee!). Then spent all afternoon with dozens of phone calls arranging for Rachel to come to Rocky Horror and costumes cancelled and lifts with Tim and Taxis and tickets booked and then Sally rang off in a huff cos I wouldn’t get dressed up after all and then somebody called Richard rang and refused to say which Richard they were and expressed great surprise that I knew so many Richards cos they didn’t and they said they were a heavy breather but eventually I found out it was Sally’s gorgeous big bruv ringing to make it up wiv me and Sally. All his idea to ring me, ap’ly. Mmm!
Went to Rocky Horror and it was fantastic. Insulted Matthew mildly and in fun about being kinky. Flirted madly with Chris but went on about Philip too, so God knows!
Fri 12th April, 1985
Hid away all morning pretending to revise and kept getting caught out by Mum, who was packing to go and see family in Cambridge for a holiday. I wasn’t going cos I’m supposed to be revising all holiday which set me contemplating on how I have literally done NO revision and I have literally weeks of it to do if I want to pass my O-levels and I haven’t given my parents my report yet and I have no real friends who would even notice if I died for a fortnight except John, who said last night that he had told Ginette I was his most loyal friend, and who I happen to hate secretly but I can’t let anyone know cos I’m supposed to be his best friend and I HATE him! And Philip said he’d see me at SCHOOL, for heaven’s sake! In 2 weeks! And he reckoned we were GOOD FRIENDS! Bollocks! He sees as little of me as possible, and I have never cared for anyone like I care for him! And I baked a cake today, and rang Philip to ask how much sugar to use and he wasn’t in and he DIDN’T RING BACK and the cake burnt and didn’t revise and Dad was being all pally cos Mum was away but I was depressed and not interested, but Elton John cheered me up but my headache depressed me, and I feel so sorry for Dad and I don’t know why, and I have just written lunatic raving all over a jigsaw puzzle but writing this has cheered me up and I feel ill and I watched THREE FILMS today!
Sat 13th April, 1985
Lots of ap’lys today:
APPARENTLY: Matt and Rach were planning to pair me off with John! (yeuch!) / Matt couldn’t get anywhere with Rach in the cinema / Matt’s parents prefer me / John was madly in love with me in Feb (yeuch!) / Matt and John went to a disco last night and got pissed but told Rach that some friends came round to Matt’s.
I know all this cos I went into town with Rach, Matt and John. We met Chris and Stephen but then said Bye again cos we went to cinema to see 2010, which was a bit boring. Then Rach went home and we waited for Matt’s bus: Matt reckons I should have packed him long before I did.
I have never felt for anyone like Philip. Maybe cos I’ve known him so well for so long, but we’ve never been close, and I wish we were. I don’t know about love, but it’s certainly the nearest I’ve ever come to it.
Sun 14th April, 1985
Matt, Rach and Tim came to my house today: would’ve been fine but it looked too much like a foursome for my liking. Rach and Matt kept having mini orgies on my bed while we played records and tapes. We also talked a lot, played murder in dark (which I taped secretly: v. funny!), played ULCERS and in the end they stayed for tea and Rachel read my diary! She found out I was upset about Matt and was v. sorry.
[Stapled into the diary on this page is a letter to Philip, which has the following note written at the top:]
I never really sent anything like this; I wouldn’t dream of it! I just wrote it in a fit of doodling!
Dear Philip,
I love you and you know it so why don’t you just face up to it and put up with it? You could even try returning a bit of it!
Loads of love.
(and don’t worry - I don’t really expect anything)
P.S. Please don’t stop putting the colour into my life!
[and written on the back is the following...]
PHILIP:-
(by REO Speedwagon)
...and I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might -
I can’t fight this feeling any more
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for
It’s time to bring this ship into the shore
and throw away the oars
forever
I can’t fight this feeling any more
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for
Maybe I should crawl up on the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby I can’t fight this feeling any more.
___
[For previous instalment, see here]
Mon 8th April, 1985 (Young Clare is 15 years old)
Seeing Philip again this last weekend has made me realise that I’m still madly in love with him but I agree that a romance between us wouldn’t work: it’s too insignificant for us.
Watched telly and got ready to go out tonight all day, then in evening went with Kirsty to Melodie’s Night Club. We met Heather there, and it was a total wash-out! Melodie’s was deserted and there were only 2 other people there. After a while we went across to the pub, which was packed, and then back to the night club. A few more people trickled in, I danced with one loony, then Heather had to go and so did me and Kirsty. Thank God that looks like the last outing with her for a long time.
Tue 9th April, 1985
Tonight I’m using my private Valentine’s card handwriting. It takes up rather a lot of time and space.
Spent whole day pretending to revise but actually finishing off novels.
Went to the Biller’s in the evening to babysit. Was coaxed into a game of Cluedo and also taught Suzie Canasta. They’ve got some gorgeous kittens whose eyes aren’t open yet and who squeak most endearingly. Sewed the nose back on one of Suzie’s cuddly toys for her. Got £4!
Wed 10th April, 1985
Did nothing much all day ’cept wash the car and watch yet another film, then went to a costume hire shop and found a top-hat and tails but only little ‘show-girl’ ones, and they cost £6 to hire, so tried OXFAM but they were shut, so came home.
Rang Matthew to arrange to meet tomorrow and he says he sent me a postcard! I’d given up on that idea!
Spent rest of evening watching a dance programme which went straight to my feet and plaited a third of my fringe as an experiment.
Thurs 11th April, 1985
Youth Theatre Yorkshire goes to Rocky Horror in Harrogate! Yippee!
Watched films with hair in plaits all day (wowee!). Then spent all afternoon with dozens of phone calls arranging for Rachel to come to Rocky Horror and costumes cancelled and lifts with Tim and Taxis and tickets booked and then Sally rang off in a huff cos I wouldn’t get dressed up after all and then somebody called Richard rang and refused to say which Richard they were and expressed great surprise that I knew so many Richards cos they didn’t and they said they were a heavy breather but eventually I found out it was Sally’s gorgeous big bruv ringing to make it up wiv me and Sally. All his idea to ring me, ap’ly. Mmm!
Went to Rocky Horror and it was fantastic. Insulted Matthew mildly and in fun about being kinky. Flirted madly with Chris but went on about Philip too, so God knows!
Fri 12th April, 1985
Hid away all morning pretending to revise and kept getting caught out by Mum, who was packing to go and see family in Cambridge for a holiday. I wasn’t going cos I’m supposed to be revising all holiday which set me contemplating on how I have literally done NO revision and I have literally weeks of it to do if I want to pass my O-levels and I haven’t given my parents my report yet and I have no real friends who would even notice if I died for a fortnight except John, who said last night that he had told Ginette I was his most loyal friend, and who I happen to hate secretly but I can’t let anyone know cos I’m supposed to be his best friend and I HATE him! And Philip said he’d see me at SCHOOL, for heaven’s sake! In 2 weeks! And he reckoned we were GOOD FRIENDS! Bollocks! He sees as little of me as possible, and I have never cared for anyone like I care for him! And I baked a cake today, and rang Philip to ask how much sugar to use and he wasn’t in and he DIDN’T RING BACK and the cake burnt and didn’t revise and Dad was being all pally cos Mum was away but I was depressed and not interested, but Elton John cheered me up but my headache depressed me, and I feel so sorry for Dad and I don’t know why, and I have just written lunatic raving all over a jigsaw puzzle but writing this has cheered me up and I feel ill and I watched THREE FILMS today!
Sat 13th April, 1985
Lots of ap’lys today:
APPARENTLY: Matt and Rach were planning to pair me off with John! (yeuch!) / Matt couldn’t get anywhere with Rach in the cinema / Matt’s parents prefer me / John was madly in love with me in Feb (yeuch!) / Matt and John went to a disco last night and got pissed but told Rach that some friends came round to Matt’s.
I know all this cos I went into town with Rach, Matt and John. We met Chris and Stephen but then said Bye again cos we went to cinema to see 2010, which was a bit boring. Then Rach went home and we waited for Matt’s bus: Matt reckons I should have packed him long before I did.
I have never felt for anyone like Philip. Maybe cos I’ve known him so well for so long, but we’ve never been close, and I wish we were. I don’t know about love, but it’s certainly the nearest I’ve ever come to it.
Sun 14th April, 1985
Matt, Rach and Tim came to my house today: would’ve been fine but it looked too much like a foursome for my liking. Rach and Matt kept having mini orgies on my bed while we played records and tapes. We also talked a lot, played murder in dark (which I taped secretly: v. funny!), played ULCERS and in the end they stayed for tea and Rachel read my diary! She found out I was upset about Matt and was v. sorry.
[Stapled into the diary on this page is a letter to Philip, which has the following note written at the top:]
I never really sent anything like this; I wouldn’t dream of it! I just wrote it in a fit of doodling!
Dear Philip,
I love you and you know it so why don’t you just face up to it and put up with it? You could even try returning a bit of it!
Loads of love.
(and don’t worry - I don’t really expect anything)
P.S. Please don’t stop putting the colour into my life!
[and written on the back is the following...]
PHILIP:-
(by REO Speedwagon)
...and I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might -
I can’t fight this feeling any more
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for
It’s time to bring this ship into the shore
and throw away the oars
forever
I can’t fight this feeling any more
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for
Maybe I should crawl up on the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby I can’t fight this feeling any more.
___
Labels: Girls' Fun
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