Girls' Fun - Part Fourteen

[I'm transcribing edited highlights of a diary I kept when I was 15 / 16 years old, in 1985. Index here.]



[For previous instalment, see here]

Mon 25th Mar, 1985 (Young Clare is 15 years old)

All day, I’ve been having bouts of depression. It hurts a lot to imagine Matthew and Rachel together, heads close, holding hands, kissing... chatting like they were all day on Saturday, and yesterday too apparently, cos Matthew came all the way to Rachel’s on his bike; something he never did for me... He likes her so much, much more than me, and they got on so much better, too, so I should be pleased that they’ve found each other, and if I hadn’t been out with Matthew, I would’ve been pleased, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about them all day... apparently Matthew was singing as he went into his house yesterday, and Rachel’s not sure how much she likes him!
She doesn’t know how lucky she is... Matthew was everso awkward and apologetic when he rang yesterday for Rachel’s number, so he must have some idea how I feel. Today I told everyone I was really pleased for R & M, but Kirsty knows the truth. I also told Kirsty today about Philip. She was rather surprised.
Got on well with Eddie today. Am getting rather fed up with Anthony. He obviously thinks he’s only stringing me along.
I rang Sally this evening. She was with Chris all Sat and Sun. Apparently he kept going on about how great I am, and apparently (this is really touching) he is worried about how Stephen’s treating me. I am pleased, cos I was beginning to worry that Chris was getting fed up of me.
Philip’s having a party soon. I don’t think I’m invited, though.
Matthew went to France for 2 ½ weeks this morning. Thank God that’ll give time to clear the air and for me to get used to the idea of Rachel ’n’ Matthew.
Apparently Philip quite fancies Helen T and twit-face John has gone and invited her to YTY party! I’ll kill John! I don’t stand a chance now!
I’ve got a feeling I’m going to have to put up with R & M for a long time, cos it looks like it’s going to last.

Tue 26th Mar, 1985

Atmosphere between me and Rachel seemed a bit strained. I kept wanting to mention Matthew, but was afraid to show I was jealous. She skirted round the subject too so we ended up wi nowt to talk about.
Eddie was away, but Anthony was being very charming. Me and Kirsty fell out briefly at dinnertime, but made it up again.
I got thrown out of German for not doing my homework! Guy did too. We went to the library and had a doss with Birchenall.
Went to see Chris after school. Had to wait a while til he finished his paper round, then he appeared and we chatted for ½ an hour, then I went, and as I left, GRAHAM arrived! No wonder Chris has never been keen for me to meet him. He’s V good looking!
Saw Philip on way home this aft. He gave me a GINORMOUS smile*. Aaaaah...!!

Wed 27th Mar, 1985

Watched MACBETH in English. Sat next to Fran, who really is a great person. Macbeth is v. boring.
Everyone oohed and aahed about how frizzy my hair was, then at dinnertime, twit-face John told me he’s told Philip I fancied him! Apparently Philip didn’t say much. Saw Philip in afternoon: we avoided each other. Hell!
Straight after school I went to Ben’s about York Run sponsor money. Met his mum. She’s really nice and complimented me on my American accent in play (she’s American). Saw Philip’s sister on way home. Hope she didn’t tell Philip or he might think I was hanging around cos I fancied him.

Thurs 28th Mar, 1985

My God! What am I going to do? How will I ever face him again? He knows I fancy him! My only hope is that he didn’t believe John...
Baxter (Louise) was sucking up to Eddie this morning; fluttering her eyelashes and totally pissing me off - I cannot stand her!
Saw Philip as usual before German but cos of John I ignored him - how now, chopped logic! He certainly didn’t say hi to me but instead flirted like mad with LOUISE BAXTER, who he’s supposed to hate! I could happily have rung her scrawny neck! I was flung into a pit of depression.
Then after German, in bike-sheds, he actually called to me to give me me Asterix back! Also gave me a great grin when he cycled past on his way home!
Went to Rachel’s and we dyed my hair again. We then had a good old heart to heart and a bitch about Kirsty til 9.30.
Oh God, Matthew, why did you do it to me? I’m as human as Rachel! So why treat me like an object and her like a person? Why didn’t you just leave things alone at Xmas?
Stephen, why use me? To get back at me?

Fri 29th Mar, 1985

Last night I plaited my fringe. This morning I looked like I had a mane! I washed it out.
Did no work all morning. At dinnertime Kirsty had a bucket of water thrown over her! She thought it was funny but then they did it again and she was all drenched and got in a sus.
Last day of term! Last lesson we got our reports. Mine kept going on about how I never did any work. Have decided not to give it to parents til end of 5th year.
This evening I went to Selbyites’ play! Met a nice boy called Nigel who’s going to party on Monday.

Sat 30th Mar, 1985

Met Stephen, Chris and John in town. Went up Clifford’s Tower and sang ‘INVISIBLE’ in formation, then went to Friargate Waxworks. Me and Stephen held hands in the scary bits and Stephen (who is, by the way, speaking to me again) tried to get it further but, thinking of Philip, I politely disentangled myself.
We later met Kerry, Richard, Sarah and Patrick and I was told that John had been going to ask me out today but John denied everything.
Lot of canoodling went on between Kerry and Stephen and when I got home I rang Chris and he told me that after I left town Stephen asked Kerry out and she said yes! Two-faced bastard! How is it all my ex’s are getting paired off? Apparently he would have asked her out yonks ago but it was “too soon after Clare”!
Spent all evening trying out hairstyles and make-up for Monday’s party.

Sun 31st Mar, 1985

In afternoon met John and cycled into town with him. Met Rachel at swimming baths. Had a great time swimming ‘cept John got on both our nerves. Rachel was a bit rotten to him.
Apparently Matthew tried something on with Rach last Sat but she wdn’t and he called her a tight cow!
Apparently when John told Philip about me Philip said: “What, again?!”
Spent hours ironing jacket for tomorrow.


*editor’s note: I just found some photos of Philip and his ginormous smile. But even though this diary never has a bad word to say about him, I guess I’d better not post them. Dunno. What are the ethics?

Update: OK, I decided to post them. Here they are:







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