Girls' Fun - Part Ten
[I'm transcribing edited highlights of a diary I kept when I was 15 / 16 years old, in 1985. Index here.]
[For previous entry, see here]
Mon 25th Feb, 1985 (Clare is 15 years old)
Apparently Matthew asked Kerry out on Thursday but she said No: Oh dear, poor Matthew.
Started school again. Got 92% for Maths mock!
Kirsty says on Saturday after we disappeared, Mac turned up and they had another row cos he was flirting with Heather and she packed him and was really upset and wandering round town looking all over for me! Then later they sort of made up and he said he’d ring her but he hasn’t, and she’s really upset.
Performance tomorrow!
Tue 26th Feb, 1985
Had morning off cos teachers are on strike.
Play went really well except Patrick overdid it and burst out laughing in middle, so we had to cut scene short.
Pretended to be really nervous to get Stephen to leave me alone backstage.
Wed 27th Feb, 1985
Kirsty upset cos her parents have clamped down on her even more and her mum says if she doesn’t mend her ways she’ll have to leave home and get a job and not go to tech!
Richard gave us awful nasty talk before performance criticising me in particular. Was too much and I started to cry. Narked at everyone when they tried to cheer me up. Totally ignored Stephen all night but afterwards me, John, Matthew and Rachel all had really friendly chat! Matthew fancies Kerry, who apparently asked John out the other day!
Thurs 28th Feb, 1985
Am very depressed. LAST PERFORMANCE was absolutely packed, and SOLD OUT! Saw Philip in afternoon and persuaded him to come tonight. Performance went really well and Patrick wasn’t too bad and Philip enjoyed it and loads of other people there including our English teachers!
But although I was friendly with Stephen beforehand, he really got on my nerves and I ignored him during performance and decided I really just don’t like him enough and decided to pack him after show, but he was too nice to me and was so pathetic I just couldn’t do it.
We went to Chippy and Chris told me how much Stephen loved me, and it was so awful cos Stephen was so pathetically in love with me and all the time I was pining over Philip who’d had to go home, and I had to be nice back to Stephen, and as soon as I was the slightest bit unresponsive, he was clucking round me asking what was wrong, and it’s just unfair to keep him hanging on but I can’t break his heart. What will I do?
Fri 1st Mar, 1985
Charlotte loves Stephen loves Me loves Matthew loves Kerry loves John loves Angela loves Andrew loves his girlfriend. Oh dear!
Kept asking everyone’s advice about Stephen. Everyone reckons I should pack him: cruel to be kind, etc, and although I was thinking I ought to give it a try and see if I can get to like him, I realise now that I’ll never really get serious about him (he’s a total and utter conservative!) and I’ll have to eventually pack him anyway and the more I leave it the more he’ll be hurt, so I’ve decided: tomorrow I’ll do it. Saw a lot of Philip today: Every time I saw him, ‘Ooarr’s and ‘Yes Junior’s were exchanged. Really do like him. Last night, I began to think about asking him out, and I’ve almost decided now that I will, tomorrow.
Got Geog back: My first fail! Only a few percent off a pass!
Sat 2nd Mar, 1985
Had piano lesson: didn’t go bad. Lounged around for few hours not bothering about doing myself up for town, cos didn’t care. Told Stephen didn’t like him enhough, he accepted it straightaway, as though he expected it.
Went off with Kirsty and Heather, cos others were ignoring me, but was totally bored, and wished I’d stayed with Drama lot, specially as when we saw em again later, Stephen ignored me. Hope we can stay friends.
Sun 3rd Mar, 1985
[Editor's note: It seems I didn’t get round to writing a proper entry for Sunday, so just wrote some reminder notes on a scrap of paper and stapled it in. I can’t remember what half of it means, but I do remember that after me and Stephen split up, Stephen got quite bitchy]
Tell all about my phone call to Chris and Stephen being upset, tell about thoughts of Philip, Dad being depressed, me getting drunk. Vibrator. No-one’d want to go out with me. Cinema: Gouge, gouge, gouge and actions. John thinking I’m madly in love. Saying I was still madly in love with Matthew. Taking micky of Socialist Worker. Me and Rachel lessies. Saying I wanted attention. Calling Rachel a whore. Saying me and Chris wdn’t fit in changing rooms. Saying I was masturbating on Chris’s bed. (Half of it was when I wasn’t even there! He just uses me as someone to slag of! Any stranger meeting them and hearing Stephen talk would think I was some kind of whore!) He’s always slagging Philip off.
[For previous entry, see here]
Mon 25th Feb, 1985 (Clare is 15 years old)
Apparently Matthew asked Kerry out on Thursday but she said No: Oh dear, poor Matthew.
Started school again. Got 92% for Maths mock!
Kirsty says on Saturday after we disappeared, Mac turned up and they had another row cos he was flirting with Heather and she packed him and was really upset and wandering round town looking all over for me! Then later they sort of made up and he said he’d ring her but he hasn’t, and she’s really upset.
Performance tomorrow!
Tue 26th Feb, 1985
Had morning off cos teachers are on strike.
Play went really well except Patrick overdid it and burst out laughing in middle, so we had to cut scene short.
Pretended to be really nervous to get Stephen to leave me alone backstage.
Wed 27th Feb, 1985
Kirsty upset cos her parents have clamped down on her even more and her mum says if she doesn’t mend her ways she’ll have to leave home and get a job and not go to tech!
Richard gave us awful nasty talk before performance criticising me in particular. Was too much and I started to cry. Narked at everyone when they tried to cheer me up. Totally ignored Stephen all night but afterwards me, John, Matthew and Rachel all had really friendly chat! Matthew fancies Kerry, who apparently asked John out the other day!
Thurs 28th Feb, 1985
Am very depressed. LAST PERFORMANCE was absolutely packed, and SOLD OUT! Saw Philip in afternoon and persuaded him to come tonight. Performance went really well and Patrick wasn’t too bad and Philip enjoyed it and loads of other people there including our English teachers!
But although I was friendly with Stephen beforehand, he really got on my nerves and I ignored him during performance and decided I really just don’t like him enough and decided to pack him after show, but he was too nice to me and was so pathetic I just couldn’t do it.
We went to Chippy and Chris told me how much Stephen loved me, and it was so awful cos Stephen was so pathetically in love with me and all the time I was pining over Philip who’d had to go home, and I had to be nice back to Stephen, and as soon as I was the slightest bit unresponsive, he was clucking round me asking what was wrong, and it’s just unfair to keep him hanging on but I can’t break his heart. What will I do?
Fri 1st Mar, 1985
Charlotte loves Stephen loves Me loves Matthew loves Kerry loves John loves Angela loves Andrew loves his girlfriend. Oh dear!
Kept asking everyone’s advice about Stephen. Everyone reckons I should pack him: cruel to be kind, etc, and although I was thinking I ought to give it a try and see if I can get to like him, I realise now that I’ll never really get serious about him (he’s a total and utter conservative!) and I’ll have to eventually pack him anyway and the more I leave it the more he’ll be hurt, so I’ve decided: tomorrow I’ll do it. Saw a lot of Philip today: Every time I saw him, ‘Ooarr’s and ‘Yes Junior’s were exchanged. Really do like him. Last night, I began to think about asking him out, and I’ve almost decided now that I will, tomorrow.
Got Geog back: My first fail! Only a few percent off a pass!
Sat 2nd Mar, 1985
Had piano lesson: didn’t go bad. Lounged around for few hours not bothering about doing myself up for town, cos didn’t care. Told Stephen didn’t like him enhough, he accepted it straightaway, as though he expected it.
Went off with Kirsty and Heather, cos others were ignoring me, but was totally bored, and wished I’d stayed with Drama lot, specially as when we saw em again later, Stephen ignored me. Hope we can stay friends.
Sun 3rd Mar, 1985
[Editor's note: It seems I didn’t get round to writing a proper entry for Sunday, so just wrote some reminder notes on a scrap of paper and stapled it in. I can’t remember what half of it means, but I do remember that after me and Stephen split up, Stephen got quite bitchy]
Tell all about my phone call to Chris and Stephen being upset, tell about thoughts of Philip, Dad being depressed, me getting drunk. Vibrator. No-one’d want to go out with me. Cinema: Gouge, gouge, gouge and actions. John thinking I’m madly in love. Saying I was still madly in love with Matthew. Taking micky of Socialist Worker. Me and Rachel lessies. Saying I wanted attention. Calling Rachel a whore. Saying me and Chris wdn’t fit in changing rooms. Saying I was masturbating on Chris’s bed. (Half of it was when I wasn’t even there! He just uses me as someone to slag of! Any stranger meeting them and hearing Stephen talk would think I was some kind of whore!) He’s always slagging Philip off.
Labels: Girls' Fun
12 Comments:
Ah, it's great, this! A sweet idea; I think it works really well.
God! It's all kicking off! Poor Stephen - although he clearly didn't take being packed very well...
Yes, I know, I still feel bad about Stephen!
He got his own back though...
Sorry Clare, but this series is one reason I don't read blogs written by 15 year olds. (You are so much more creative now)
Well that brought back a memory but I bet you can’t guess what of.
I was in my second ( or was it third) year teaching in 1985. Oh how I looked forward to those strikes…..
I am enjoying the rest as well of course.
Ah well Joe, horses for courses, innit. These posts are well-flagged, so it's easy enough to ignore them.
They're clearly not about creativity or writing ability. The reason they're interesting / entertaining to some, is because they bring us back so sharply to what it felt like to be 15, and especially what it felt like to be 15 twenty years ago, instead of now (although I do suspect many things have changed less than one might think).
15-yr-olds can be very funny, especially in matters of the heart. That's what I like best about these entries. But I'm not offended or surprised if some people don't enjoy them. Like I said, you can take it or leave it.
@Joe - so you read it, just to tell us that you don't want to read it. Just skip these entries then! She signals them clearly enough.
I think entirely the opposite. It's fascinating to see someone's diary from that age. It's a window into someone's life that you very rarely get on blogs (well no, I suppose you do, but I don't go round looking for blogs by 15-year-old girls and it's more interesting when you know the person a bit as an adult.
The bit about Stephen reminded me of the part at the beginning of The Dying of Delight with Andy is it? That attraction you seem to hold for slightly namby-pamby men :)
"Dad being depressed, me getting drunk. Vibrator. No-one’d want to go out with me. Cinema: Gouge, gouge, gouge and actions" ...has got the making of a great surreal prose poem.
Meredic, indeed, I only included the bit about the strikes because I thought it might trigger a few nostalgic memories!
looby, bless you, but Joe always speaks his mind, and never revisits the same comments box twice, so he'll never see your reply. Or mine. Which begs the question, why did I write it? Er...
Oh, and P.S. Intrigued by the idea of the poem...
I'm actually going on a course about Prose Poems soon at the Uni's dept of Continuing Education, which has this rather disturbing email address of conted@... which makes my Tourettes brain want to change one vowel...
I'd love to find something from my own head that had that arresting jarring but fascinating quality that those images have.
Anyway...I'm starting to sound like a groupie, so I will shake your hand manfully and end this comment.
It's weird, but I've just finished reading "The Diary of Anne Frank", and I kept being reminded of your Girls' Fun posts. Obviously your situations were very different, but I'd never realised how much of her diary was about her feelings for Peter (another of the Jews in hiding in the secret annexe) and worries about what he felt for her, and whether her sister would be jealous.... So keep posting. You have a good literary precedent, and your teenaged writing is nearly as good as hers.
OH, but I do visit again to read the responses, usually don't re-re-respond.
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