Potted Autobiography v2
A self-tagged meme, cos I liked the look of it (via).
This is the second version. The first time, I (rather dim-wittedly) failed to spot the crucial "age = word count" rule. And I do love to follow rules. And hate to get things wrong. My original attempt is here. It has more words - and hence more info.
1
Glasgow.
2
York. Cot.
3
"Twinkle twinkle" recording.
4
Chanting "Boys are rubbish".
5
In love with Richard Abbey.
6
A drought-ridden Lake District holiday. Jellyfish.
7
Jubilee street party. Spacehopper: Best. Toy. Ever.
8
Spacehopper races, and gymnastics with Rachel Mizon. *swoon*
9
Mum says marriage over. I prefer Dad (fewer tears).
10
Parents still together. I love Duncan Campbell (witty, nice shoulders).
11
Big school. I desert my bullied friend, get pneumonia, nearly die.
12
"Robin Gray is sneaky two-faced coward." Makes him cry. Teachers: Shocked, disappointed.
13
Join Youth CND. Fall in love with Mike Auty, a shy young punk.
14
First kiss: Rubber gloves. Second kiss: Broom handle. Third kiss: Hoover. Fourth kiss: Mop.
15
Youth Theatre Yorkshire; backstage excitement. Touching willies in grandmother's spare bedroom. Finally understand Rocky Horror.
16
Meet The One. Fail to have sex. Become a lesbian instead. Have hallucinogenic experience. Join SWP.
17
Horseback chase at Wapping, pop lesbian cherry (glamorous New-Yorker), come out to parents. Mock A-levels. Glandular fever.
18
Manchester. First job: Vegetarian women-only co-op. Clause 28. First girlfriend. Friend dies of cancer.
Lesley was only 23.
19
University. Run over by a bus. New flat. New cat. In love: Alma, and Kate, and others. Fail exams.
20
Pass resits. Spend majority of time in gay clubs and political meetings, but avoid students (annoying). Start shagging men again.
21
First E. Poll tax. Beautiful Andy, in denim dungarees. Hold his hand and cry, as bombs fly like fireworks across Iraq.
22
Graduate from Uni. Get job in Register Office. Get sacked. Get depressed. Take drugs. Dance. Feel disillusioned with circle of E friends.
23
Andy leaves with E-circle queen (I am bitter). New jobs: playscheme organiser, then housing officer. Drugs, dancing, fleeting relationships, amateur dramatics (hunchback disaster).
24
More sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. Megadog, Herbal Tea Party, One Tree Island*, Criminal Justice Bill. Still a housing officer.
*Manchester club nights.
25
Meet Ally. And parents (oh dear - I have a shaved head). Ally moves in. I quit my job, go back to college and study computing.
26
I get job as software engineer. Ally quits job to be journalist. After prolonged battles with landlady, we buy the flats (converted house) for £8k (really).
27
We are living with builders and we have no kitchen. They finally finish and I get obsessed with paint and DIY. I have nervous breakdown. Dark days.
28
Debilitating anxiety attacks. Make a garden. Dig a lot. Ally starts working for Big Issue. I begin singing at open mike spots. Ally and I start a band.
29
I go to trapeze lessons. Wheee, it's fun. Ally and I become regulars of the performance poetry circuit. We get a puppy (Dipsy). She fits through the cat flap.
30
I start writing a novel. I get a new job calculating water pressure. I don't like it. I leave, get another job. I sing karaoke with Geriatric Jazz, write songs.
31
I have mini mid-life crisis and hurt those closest to me with some ill-advised behaviour. I don't really have anything to say about this. Least said, soonest mended. Enough already.
32
A planned pregnancy makes me very ill indeed. I lose two stone. I am put on a drip. I stop writing. Our cat Bagpuss dies. Our son is born. I am happy.
33
I start writing again. I send out sample chapters (31 rejection letters). I am demotivated. I become addicted to Scrabble. I decide to finish the bloody novel, hide it in a dark drawer.
34
I receive The Phone Call from the publishers. Very very very excited. I get an agent. I do a rewrite. Ally and I create multimedia performance for the book launch. Ally is made redundant.
35
Ally and I perform at Big Chill festival. I travel the country doing book promo stuff. I start work on another novel. Ally is commissioned to write a book. I start blogging. Julia Darling dies.
36
Ally's book is published. He gets a new job. I'm addicted to blogging. We talk about Baby II. We have the loft converted. Seventeen years ago, a one-bedroom flat. Now, a five-bedroom house. Still the same address.
37
Before I turn 37 Felix will start school, I'll turn life on its head to spend more time with him, I'll finish Novel II, and I'll start trying for another sprog. 37's going to be a doozie.
Oh damn it all to hell, this was completely pointless unless I delete the original post, wasn't it? But I can't - seem - to make - myself - do it.
This is the second version. The first time, I (rather dim-wittedly) failed to spot the crucial "age = word count" rule. And I do love to follow rules. And hate to get things wrong. My original attempt is here. It has more words - and hence more info.
1
Glasgow.
2
York. Cot.
3
"Twinkle twinkle" recording.
4
Chanting "Boys are rubbish".
5
In love with Richard Abbey.
6
A drought-ridden Lake District holiday. Jellyfish.
7
Jubilee street party. Spacehopper: Best. Toy. Ever.
8
Spacehopper races, and gymnastics with Rachel Mizon. *swoon*
9
Mum says marriage over. I prefer Dad (fewer tears).
10
Parents still together. I love Duncan Campbell (witty, nice shoulders).
11
Big school. I desert my bullied friend, get pneumonia, nearly die.
12
"Robin Gray is sneaky two-faced coward." Makes him cry. Teachers: Shocked, disappointed.
13
Join Youth CND. Fall in love with Mike Auty, a shy young punk.
14
First kiss: Rubber gloves. Second kiss: Broom handle. Third kiss: Hoover. Fourth kiss: Mop.
15
Youth Theatre Yorkshire; backstage excitement. Touching willies in grandmother's spare bedroom. Finally understand Rocky Horror.
16
Meet The One. Fail to have sex. Become a lesbian instead. Have hallucinogenic experience. Join SWP.
17
Horseback chase at Wapping, pop lesbian cherry (glamorous New-Yorker), come out to parents. Mock A-levels. Glandular fever.
18
Manchester. First job: Vegetarian women-only co-op. Clause 28. First girlfriend. Friend dies of cancer.
Lesley was only 23.
19
University. Run over by a bus. New flat. New cat. In love: Alma, and Kate, and others. Fail exams.
20
Pass resits. Spend majority of time in gay clubs and political meetings, but avoid students (annoying). Start shagging men again.
21
First E. Poll tax. Beautiful Andy, in denim dungarees. Hold his hand and cry, as bombs fly like fireworks across Iraq.
22
Graduate from Uni. Get job in Register Office. Get sacked. Get depressed. Take drugs. Dance. Feel disillusioned with circle of E friends.
23
Andy leaves with E-circle queen (I am bitter). New jobs: playscheme organiser, then housing officer. Drugs, dancing, fleeting relationships, amateur dramatics (hunchback disaster).
24
More sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. Megadog, Herbal Tea Party, One Tree Island*, Criminal Justice Bill. Still a housing officer.
*Manchester club nights.
25
Meet Ally. And parents (oh dear - I have a shaved head). Ally moves in. I quit my job, go back to college and study computing.
26
I get job as software engineer. Ally quits job to be journalist. After prolonged battles with landlady, we buy the flats (converted house) for £8k (really).
27
We are living with builders and we have no kitchen. They finally finish and I get obsessed with paint and DIY. I have nervous breakdown. Dark days.
28
Debilitating anxiety attacks. Make a garden. Dig a lot. Ally starts working for Big Issue. I begin singing at open mike spots. Ally and I start a band.
29
I go to trapeze lessons. Wheee, it's fun. Ally and I become regulars of the performance poetry circuit. We get a puppy (Dipsy). She fits through the cat flap.
30
I start writing a novel. I get a new job calculating water pressure. I don't like it. I leave, get another job. I sing karaoke with Geriatric Jazz, write songs.
31
I have mini mid-life crisis and hurt those closest to me with some ill-advised behaviour. I don't really have anything to say about this. Least said, soonest mended. Enough already.
32
A planned pregnancy makes me very ill indeed. I lose two stone. I am put on a drip. I stop writing. Our cat Bagpuss dies. Our son is born. I am happy.
33
I start writing again. I send out sample chapters (31 rejection letters). I am demotivated. I become addicted to Scrabble. I decide to finish the bloody novel, hide it in a dark drawer.
34
I receive The Phone Call from the publishers. Very very very excited. I get an agent. I do a rewrite. Ally and I create multimedia performance for the book launch. Ally is made redundant.
35
Ally and I perform at Big Chill festival. I travel the country doing book promo stuff. I start work on another novel. Ally is commissioned to write a book. I start blogging. Julia Darling dies.
36
Ally's book is published. He gets a new job. I'm addicted to blogging. We talk about Baby II. We have the loft converted. Seventeen years ago, a one-bedroom flat. Now, a five-bedroom house. Still the same address.
37
Before I turn 37 Felix will start school, I'll turn life on its head to spend more time with him, I'll finish Novel II, and I'll start trying for another sprog. 37's going to be a doozie.
Oh damn it all to hell, this was completely pointless unless I delete the original post, wasn't it? But I can't - seem - to make - myself - do it.
6 Comments:
Well, the original had more information in some ways, but this time Dipsy gets a name-check!
I was going to nominate version 1 for Mike's Post of the Week competition, but I suppose now I ought to nominate version 2 (incorporating link to version 1). Bloody upgrades.
This works really well! There's the added benefit of already having read Version #1, but I'm sure this stands up on its own without it. When I did it, I found it to be a useful exercise in editing - the result alters the shape of the prose quite noticeably.
Yes, it's a good exercise in editing.
My only problems with this version are:
(a) This one is a bit terse. All those short snappy sentenses.
(b) I was editing this one in the knowledge that the original had already been published. So I was half assuming that people would have read the other, and would therefore know what the hell I was talking about.
If I'd paid proper attention first time round, I would have made this my only finished product. But having already done the other... I found myself rather fond of it, and couldn't let go! But that in turn rather dilutes the impact of this one.
Ho hum.
I prefer the fuller version (as I haven't read your entire blog).
What you've written is amazing, and I think you are very brave to be so open to us all.
Ha. OK, so now you've got me paranoidly thinking, "Oh shit, what have I said this time that I shouldn't have?"
I'm not very good at keeping me gob shut.
Actually, as I was writing this I thought, anyone who didn't know me would think I was a pretty horrible person. Or maybe I am a horrible person. But I prefer to think I'm just not very good at portraying myself in a positive light. Er... oh dear.
Well I've just read this. I haven't read the first one. I'm not confused or on drugs. I don't think you're horrible.
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