Brrrm-ha-ha (or "More Embarrassing Than An Embarrassing Thing That's Had Embarrassing Injections")
So I took my car to the garage. Because it wasn't working. And when your car stops working, you take it to the clever car-fixy people, and they make it be working again.
Personally I don't bother with any of this pretending-to-know-how-cars-work nonsense. I don't have time to understand and fix the whole universe. Sometimes you have to know when to delegate.
And it's not like I haven't had similar car troubles before. It was sluggish. It didn't want to go. It stalled. It was chugging. And I'm sure the fuel consumption's gone up lately...
Clearly it was the carburettor. Or the fuel line. Or something to do with fuel injection... but like I said, it's not my job to know about Stuff Like That. Delegation, that's the key. If you wanna be the best, if you wanna beat the rest, delegation, that's the key. If you wanna be a record-breaker...
Ahem. Sorry.
The steering was pulling really hard to the left. Clearly I had a tracking problem, too. And it was nearly due for its MOT, so off to the garage it went. There you go little one, go play with Uncle Pete for the day.
And anyway, the last time I had a flat tyre, the car bumped. And made a loud bump-bump noise. The point is that it chugged today, it didn't bump. And I know the difference between a bump and a chug.
So how was I to know I had two flat tyres?
"Really flat, Clare. That's why the steering was pulling. That's why the car wouldn't go. Flat as a pancake. Two of them," said Uncle Pete in a "For heaven's sake, how stupid can one woman be?" tone of voice.
Pah. It's not like I know anything about cars. I mean...
Oh, sod it.
And now I'm stranded in Altrincham on Felix's birthday, and can't pick him up early, like I was planning to...
Hoist by my own flat tyre(s).
Personally I don't bother with any of this pretending-to-know-how-cars-work nonsense. I don't have time to understand and fix the whole universe. Sometimes you have to know when to delegate.
And it's not like I haven't had similar car troubles before. It was sluggish. It didn't want to go. It stalled. It was chugging. And I'm sure the fuel consumption's gone up lately...
Clearly it was the carburettor. Or the fuel line. Or something to do with fuel injection... but like I said, it's not my job to know about Stuff Like That. Delegation, that's the key. If you wanna be the best, if you wanna beat the rest, delegation, that's the key. If you wanna be a record-breaker...
Ahem. Sorry.
The steering was pulling really hard to the left. Clearly I had a tracking problem, too. And it was nearly due for its MOT, so off to the garage it went. There you go little one, go play with Uncle Pete for the day.
And anyway, the last time I had a flat tyre, the car bumped. And made a loud bump-bump noise. The point is that it chugged today, it didn't bump. And I know the difference between a bump and a chug.
So how was I to know I had two flat tyres?
"Really flat, Clare. That's why the steering was pulling. That's why the car wouldn't go. Flat as a pancake. Two of them," said Uncle Pete in a "For heaven's sake, how stupid can one woman be?" tone of voice.
Pah. It's not like I know anything about cars. I mean...
Oh, sod it.
And now I'm stranded in Altrincham on Felix's birthday, and can't pick him up early, like I was planning to...
Hoist by my own flat tyre(s).
10 Comments:
back in clare's world! Haven't read your blog for a while, I miss your common sense, it's great... any more sexuality updates I've missed?
xx
No, I'm afraid I'm already slipping on the sexuality project. I made some vague promise to do one sexuality post a week.... [hollow laugh]... fat chance.
It's Felix's birthday party this weekend, so I suspect it'll be another week until I get around to it. It's not like a silly post about flat tyres, which can be dashed off in 10 mins... it requires thought. Which will probably be its downfall.
Still, I'm feeling happy cos I wrote some lyrics and did some singing for another Proper Musician, and there's a possibility he might sample it and use it in his tune. He might not, but I don't care. Just the maybe is making me smile.
Having flattened a tyre on the main family car (which Hilary generally drives) last summer (by hitting a kerb when crossly turning round having missed a junction) I tend to expect flat tyores. So when my own (small, un-grand, aging) car developed whump0-whump-whump noises IO was convinced I'd burst a tyre. But no. Just the odd squee-squee-squee when going slowly and whump-whump-whump when cornering. Turns out it was a common fault in the drive shafts (it's a front-wheel drive Saxo).
And no, I'm no mechanical expert. Though (for reasons mentioned above) I do normally spot flat tyres.
Hilary's car has just been to see a friendly garagey man to have a dent taken out. A dent that I put in by reversing into a lamp-post when a bit stressed.
Hmm.
Rob
I was once on the motorway in my little Ford Fiesta when a loud thumping noise started coming "from the engine". I tried to ignore it for a while, but eventually pulled over and called the AA. I described the symptoms. On arriving (promptly to a "woman alone") the AA man was the soul of tact. "I know you reported a problem with your engine" he said, "but I can tell you for starters that your front right tyre is flat." I was so glad not to be a 20-year-old man that day.
Actually I'm sure the car is chugging again today.... so maybe it wasn't just flat tyres after all!
Rosa: Is that you, mousey? If so, welcome! And if not... er... welcome! ;o)
Stranded in Altrincham...?
Nasty...!
Gert, I have to go there several days a week! Actualy it's not bad as a job location. Wouldn't want to live here though.
Well done!
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